The Beach.

Dear Italians:

I know it’s the weekend and very shortly you will no longer be able to resist the urge to mentally just check-the-fuck-out and bake in the sun for 8 hours straight. You can go ahead and spend 3 hours in single lane traffic to get to the beach. By all means, pay to park on the street because you are in a hurry to get to that narrow strip of sand and the waveless, salty sea that looks  like a lake. You might come back to find a movable sign that says No Parking where your car used to be (this happened to me – the cops do it – nothing you can do about it), but that isn’t the point.

No, I know you are eager to get your 10 Euro umbrella and 5 Euro beach chair and find space near the bar so you can hear the music and a grilled sandwich and a beer is never far away. It’s all good.


But I want you to take a moment, take a deep, cleansing breath and prepare your sunbaked brains to absorb some crucial information.

No matter how much of a rush you may be in …
No matter what your friend Flavio Flav says …


Do not carry that fanny pack slung over your shoulder as a man-purse. Even if it is a Prada fanny pack. In fact, just don’t carry a fanny pack at all.

Trust me on this. It will totally fuck up your game at the rolling gelato stand.

OK pumpkins?

Now go play.

4 thoughts on “The Beach.

  1. Bwaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaa, oh Britt, jutht shtop it some more! Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! 😡

    Schipp, bite your tongue, my friend, fanny packs are just WRONG…and in all the wrong places. Do you shecretly have a fetish for them Schippy, hmmmm? 😉

  2. hahahaha!!! seriously! I guess he figure’s he’s so hot he can pull it off. But really, wouldn’t it be worse if he were actually wearing it? It’s hard to decide. That sucks ASS about the parking signs. Was this on the adriatic coast? I recall being not the least bit curious about the water when we went to Misano. Never did make it across the street to the beach.

  3. While this comment is so very late….3 1/2 years or so…I find your commentary so true and gut busting funny. Your reviews and insights are truly a ray of sunshine. Thank You.

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