On the theme of Halos

Albert used to send me songs when we we apart in the beginning of our relationship – the very beginning, like half a week in, when we still had nights away from each other – and for the next month or so.

The very first song he sent to me was a remade version of “Halo” and quite a beautiful remake at that. It must have been after our third date.

I listened to the growing playlist of songs when we were apart. Halo was always my favorite. I sang it to him much later, perhaps a month or two before the accident. I sang it quietly one night in bed, as a way to express my feelings for him because I was bereft of words at that point. I looked into his eyes as I sang this song. His eyes shone with happiness as he returned my gaze. He immediately asked me to sing it again once I finished. He held my hands and kissed my fingers as I did.

The first thing I consciously thought of when I saw his body at his funeral service was this song. It played and played in my head.

Albert insisted–absolutely insisted–that he would never leave, that he would always be with me even when were are apart. I considered the significance of the name of this song and his promise to me.

I cannot bring myself to listen to this song again. I wonder if I ever will.

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