DIY motocross races

It’s a crisp cold autumn day in Northern Italy. Summer is over, the fields have been cleared of all the corn, it isn’t raining nor snowing yet, and everyone wants a last hurrah before the motorcycle season is over and the cold winter arrives.

Why not throw an impromptu neighborhood motocross race in one of the neighborhood fields? If you get the word out soon enough, a few volunteers will step forward and before you know it, you’ll have everyone in the neighborhood racing. Just follow these simple guidelines:

  • Erect signs so that people will know where to find the race.

  • Tape off areas for spectators, or find a natural barrier to separate spectators from the track.

  • Tape off a starting grid near the main spectator area for maximum impact.

  • Make sure your volunteer race director wears a timer around his neck to look professional.

  • Hire a food truck for hungry participants.

  • Put a few seats out so elderly spectators can enjoy the races comfortably.

  • Tape off a course tight enough to create some racing action.

  • Provide a jump or two, even if you need to build them by hand.

  • Don’t forget the kiddie class.

 

Open Letter to Aging Spanish Ladies

Dear Wealthy Aging Spanish Ladies,

I know that cosmetic surgery is a rite of passage for you all after your children are out of the house and your seasonal wardrobes have been perfected.  You have the money and the time and want to take care of  yourselves, and I appreciate that. Hell, I often marvel at how perfectly coiffed your hair is at any given time of the day, how well fitting and beige and identical your autumn wardrobes are, and how your make up always looks freshly applied. You want to try to retain your youth and beauty and that is your right – I don’t fault you for that at all. In fact I applaud you.

But the fact that I know cosmetic surgery is popular among you gals should be the first red flag. You see, good plastic surgery is supposed to enhance you. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I see the ridiculously large breasts and the telling grimaces of face lifts like one does in California (the Southern part in particular). The surgeons here in BCN seem to have a reasonable boob size limit, as I have seen in the gym locker room, which has been to your advantage. But it’s something else you all are doing that isn’t doing you any favors, to put it mildly.

You see, I’m not sure I see the enhancing value of the lip implants you all are getting. Perhaps these are the only remedy for the deep, vertical troughs around your mouth from the decades of smoking and sun over exposure.  But while these implants raise and stretch smooth the skin of the lips, they also raise and stretch the skin all around the mouth as well. This creates a giant, frightening clown mouth. Especially when you outline it in dark red or even brown lip pencil. This oversized mouth, along with the untreated deep wrinkles on your cheeks, foreheads and around your eyes, well, it just isn’t cohesive. Especially when you are pushing 65.

Maybe you should invest some of the clown mouth money in some Botox and a few facial peels or micro-dermabrasion first, heck even a mini-lift, and see how that goes first. Just a suggestion.

With love,

Me